If you’re running a business with ADHD, you probably know that feeling – when conventional marketing advice seems to be written for a completely different person. That was my reality for years.
When My Brain Said “No”
Remember that blue screen moment I mentioned in my last post? After my burnout, I was desperately searching for answers. That’s when I discovered Dr. Gabor Maté’s work on compassionate inquiry. His approach completely changed how I viewed my ADHD and my struggles at work.
The Power of Compassionate Inquiry
Developed by Dr. Gabor Maté, compassionate inquiry goes far beyond just being nice to yourself. It’s a profound way of understanding how our present struggles connect to our past experiences. For those of us with ADHD, it helps reveal why we developed certain patterns – like procrastination, overworking, or perfectionism – as ways to cope with stress and trauma.
This matters because ADHD isn’t just about attention or focus. As Dr. Maté explains, it’s deeply connected to our nervous system’s response to stress and our early experiences. Through compassionate inquiry, I began to see how my ADHD symptoms were actually intelligent adaptations my brain had made to protect me.
Compassionate Inquiry is a psychotherapeutic method developed by Dr. Gabor Maté that reveals what lies beneath the appearance we present to the world.
Breaking Through
For years, I’d seen work difficulties as personal failures. Missing deadlines? Lazy. Can’t focus on repetitive tasks? Undisciplined. Getting overwhelmed by multiple marketing channels? This is too much.
Compassionate inquiry showed me something different. When I couldn’t face my social media tasks, it wasn’t because I was incapable. My brain was desperately trying to protect me from overwhelming input. Each notification, message, and pending task was pushing my nervous system into overdrive.
No wonder I’d freeze up or find myself doing anything else instead.
The Hard Truth About Healing
I need to be clear – compassionate inquiry isn’t just positive thinking or being nicer to yourself. It’s deep, often uncomfortable work. It means looking at painful experiences you’d rather forget. It means questioning beliefs you’ve held onto for protection. It means facing the ways trauma has shaped your responses to stress and work.
This work is hard. Really hard. Each session pushed me to examine difficult memories and confront uncomfortable truths about how I’d learned to cope. But the insights I gained made the difficult process worthwhile. Understanding the roots of my reactions gave me the power to actually change them, not just mask the symptoms.
This understanding changed everything. Instead of forcing myself through tasks until I burned out, I could notice when my brain needed a different approach. Sometimes that meant batching social media work into focused sessions. Other times it meant accepting that I needed a complete break to reset.
This was just the beginning. Learning about my nervous system’s role in ADHD opened up even more possibilities for working with my brain instead of against it – but that’s a story for another post.
For business owners with ADHD, this kind of deep work might seem impossible when you’re already juggling so much. I get it. But understanding how your brain works – and why – can transform how you approach your business.
The Power of Unmasking
Through compassionate inquiry, I discovered something deeper than just ADHD challenges. I realised how much energy I’d spent trying to fit into traditional business molds – masking my true self to appear more “professional” or “put together.” This masking wasn’t just exhausting – it was blocking my ability to work effectively.
Sometimes what feels like “bad at marketing” is actually your brain resisting something that doesn’t align with who you really are. For me, understanding this opened up new possibilities. Instead of forcing myself to be a certain type of marketer or business owner, I could build strategies around my authentic strengths and natural ways of working.
This understanding changed everything. Instead of forcing myself through tasks until I burned out, I could notice when my brain needed a different approach. Sometimes that meant batching social media work into focused sessions. Other times it meant accepting that I needed a complete break to reset.
What Changed
The biggest surprise? When I stopped fighting my ADHD brain and started understanding it, not only did work become easier – my business started growing. Not perfect – I still miss deadlines sometimes and get overwhelmed – but now I know why and what to do about it. More importantly, I can help my clients understand their patterns too.
What shifted:
– I stopped forcing myself to work when my brain/nervous system was screaming for a break
– I started noticing when certain tasks felt impossible and asked why
– I learned to recognize when I was pushing too hard before hitting burnout
Some Real Examples
Instead of forcing myself to follow typical marketing advice like ‘post three times a day’ or ‘send weekly newsletters,’ I started asking different questions:
‘When do I naturally feel most creative and energized for content creation?’
‘What marketing tasks drain me the fastest, and how can I adapt them?’
‘What support systems do I need to make marketing sustainable?
Moving Forward
Now when I work with clients, we start by understanding their natural patterns and strengths.
Whether they have ADHD like me or just find traditional marketing approaches overwhelming, we focus on creating strategies that work with their unique way of thinking. Because forcing yourself to work against your brain isn’t just stressful – it’s unsustainable for your business. I learned that the hard way.
If you’re tired of forcing yourself to fit into traditional marketing molds, let’s talk about finding approaches that actually work for you.
Be kind to yourself,
Jay
